I bet you thought there was no more about me that you could learn but did you know about my trip to the USSR? Yes, I know that dates me. But when I was 15 I went on a trip to the USSR. In February. And I would be remiss in not informing you that it was incredibly cold and there was no food that I found edible at that time in my life. Potatoes, cabbage and black bread at every meal and then a Toblerone chocolate bar for dessert purchased at the store for foreigners where you can only use foreign currency. That right there was a long 10 days for the ol' stomach. I've recovered now though.
Back in the USSR I had a few really moving experiences. I smuggled in toilet paper, prayer books and a cateloupe to bring to the home of a Jewish refusnik family who weren't permitted to leave the country. They had twins my age and I shared tea with them in their house where I sat next to the slats that served as window panes and between two pans catching the snow melt from the leaking ceiling. I wished that I could give them everything and I wished that I didn't object quite so much to wearing fur because this would have been the time for it.
We searched Moscow for a decent restaurant one night. Without knowing Russian it's hard because everything was grey with a few neon signs lighting the way. For your future needs, the word for restaurant looks something vaguely like this - "PECTOPAH". I guess that's how it has felt navigating a new school system. Like it's really gray and there are a few lights but somehow I can't read the signs. I keep finding out new and wonderful things. Thank goodness my kids are so resilient because I have no idea how they'd manage through this new territory otherwise.
And I do object to wearing fur even if it's really really cold out. I actually don't wear leather either because otherwise that'd be inconsistent. But sometimes I buy leather shoes. Because they are comfortable and they last a long time and they look pretty. And, incidentally, I am weak. Today, for example, I considered some new boots, but instead went for the mink. I signed the re-enrollment contract for my daughter to return in 10 days time to her old school. Now hang on there, I'm not saying private school is like slaughtering a thousand crying minks for your own warmth. It costs more than that. But I am saying that I reached an important conclusion in the days leading up to my presumably dramatic return after which I will be split across the aisle, a parent in two worlds.
Here is what I thought about. It was the twin girls in the chilly, leaky apartment in the Moscow slums. Those two girls were very different. In fact, I remember that I liked one a lot more than the other. One was bookish, one was musical. One was serious and the other was funny. I won't tell you which I liked better because that would be rude and they might be reading. But, here's the thing that's for sure - they were two very different people.
As are my children and, if you have children, likely so are they. I seem to have some children who thrive in the cold Moscow winter with their father's wool trench coat and some who need more shelter from the elements, a mink stole of sorts. My two middle children seem to be thriving and in many ways excelling in the world of clear standards, strict rules and competition. My 1st grader in particular is enamored with his teacher and enjoys the routines and structure of the classroom. My 3rd grader though, is just stressed. And a (really smart and awesome) 3rd grader shouldn't be stressed about her hours of homework, she should be loving learning like her younger siblings.
That she is not loving and embracing learning because she is busy keeping all of the requirements straight and being sure to excel against each of them, is most disturbing. She is the kind of person who thrives on being hugged by a thick, warm coat on a chilly winter day. She likes the community of learning and the process of learning more than the possession of the resulting facts.
In the USSR we slept on an overnight train between Moscow and St. Petersburg. In my car, we drank vodka to keep warm and couldn't sleep all night. In the next car, the kids couldn't fend off the sleep to escape from the cold. And so it is - whether it's wool or mink, vodka or sleep, navigating the signs of life is hard work when they are written in another language. And my greatest responsibility as I see it is to do my best to provide each child the tools that they uniquely need to make the hard choices ahead in life. Though the tools and schools are different, rest assured, none of them are 3 meals a day of cabbage and black bread and hopefully no one will need a mink for protection.
Whatever the school, I hope that everyone will end up being able to find a "PECTOPAH" when they really need it.
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