It is with relative infrequency in life that we get a true opportunity at a do-over. To go back, erase what has been done and just give it another go. This didn't seem to be the case at school this week, however. This week, my 1st grader got this ultimate chance at redemption. He got to do a "make over". If you don't know what that is, then you may be just like me. I asked, of course - that's my style. The response was "oh - it's when you miss a test, then you get to do a made-up one".
I suppose he's talking about the beast known as the make-up test but his language has really been pretty insightful for me. Is the need to spend your recess inside doing 3 tests that you missed on a religious holiday a make-over? An opportunity to reinvent yourself into something new and more glamorous? Or is it made-up - an opportunity to create a fiction that surrounds the importance of the activity?
Well, on this very day, I found myself wrestling with this question as I examined the application deadlines for re-admittance to our lovely old school. I viewed that website today wondering if reinventing ourselves into people who don't pay for schooling was a mistake for some of our kids. I wondered if perhaps the best possible thing to do is to ask for a do-over at least for our eldest. I rediscovered in this internal debate a very long held believe - there is no absolute.
OK - getting a little Buddha - Dharma funky on you here but stick with me a moment. I have a second long held theory and that is that there is only one group. So - in whatever situation you're in, there's only one group. You aren't the "only cool kid in the medieval recreation society", take my word for it. You aren't the "only kid in the nerdy group who is actually cool", it's just not likely. You aren't the "only public school kids who aren't sure that they are in the right place" either. There is one group. As diverse as we are as people, I learned when I was "the only cool kid who dated a 15 year old 8th grader" that anyone who meets that description is likely not tipping the coolness scale.
So back to the belief that there is no absolute. This may seem pretty obvious, but we as humans spend a whole lot of time in pursuit of the "right path", the "truth", the "way". We spend a lot of time concerned about having all the ducks in a row. But have you noticed that ducks don't like to line up perfectly. Because they waddle side to side so they really can't be in a perfect line. The expression itself shows us that if all the ducks were to be in a row then they wouldn't be ducks after all. So you get the picture here, right?
My son stayed in from recess to do 3 made-up tests. The three made-up tests were instead of the 3 real tests that he missed. He took these tests to make himself over - from a guy who missed some tests to a fully achieving guy with all boxes checked. Let's not worry for now about how a 1st grader can miss 3 tests in a single day, that's a strange subject to attack another time. Let's worry instead about whether I plan to re-apply to school next year.
If there is no absolute truth then it sure makes this school decision more difficult. I had the big plan to get my make-over to being a new public school kind of Mom. I've learned that I love that for some of my kids - I am absolutely part of the group that thinks it's great to support the public schools and that my kids are learning a lot both academic and non academic in this environment. I also seem to be the kind of Mom who thinks that there are special kids who with thrive best in a special kind of environment and when you find the perfect fit for them that perhaps you shouldn't give it up. So I belong to two seemingly opposing groups and I must not be the only one.
In my case, I suppose that there is good fortune in having 4 children. I can send some to where they fit and some to the best idealogical solution. Too bad they aren't one and the same and even more too bad that they aren't both free, quite frankly. But holding each of these solutions in my hands, I realize that there is always an opportunity to ask for a do-over, to make-over who you are and to bring your new learnings to make a happier, healthier family.
And that's not made-up.
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