Vampire Children - aka, Those That Suck

This is one of those chapters that one composes with trepidation. Haven't you ever read something that you then talked with someone else about and you each took something different from it? Well, in order to avert such disastrous consequence, let me share the take-away right up front. Some kids suck. And some schools aren't made to avert that sucking from leaching out and getting on others. So, if you don't like that conclusion you'd best refrain from reading on.

My Gryffindor K-Boy invited a friend from class over the other day. The moment he darkened the door I wondered when the date would end. He didn't even pass the threshold before I knew he was trouble. And seriously, the nicest parents known to man - I'm not commenting on parents here because we all rock, of course. So, for this playdate of trouble I mean there was whining, demanding, destructive behavior. Come on, either you know the type or you have the type and don't want to admit it.

In 6th grade I dated the type. In 6th grade, he was a mean bullying loser with lots and lots of zits. Like gross ones. I later learned that he was like 13 and in the 8th grade. For sure he had a mustache to compliment the generous supply of acne. My parents were thrilled at my good choices and still talk about that budding 'stache to this day. They kindly took us to the movies where we awkwardly held hands or something very 70's middle-school risque (which is WAY different than 2000's middle-school risque incidentally). My parents sat in the back and we sat in the front. Or so I thought. I turned around at one point to find the parental units directly positioned at my posterior. A humiliating 3 rows back. Oh the pain of supervision. Well, that relationship lasted only a moment or two because even back then, I could call "vampire" when I saw one. That kid sucked.

As does a child who now occupies a room with my daughter - a daughter who will eat most things including bacon and brussels but just can't seem to break 45 pounds. Each evening at dinner for the first 5 weeks of school there was a report on the new ways this young person had found to torture my lightweight. Mostly it involved mean variations on name callings related to being petite. But when "puny", "tiny", "miniature" and "baby" gave way to "loser", that's when things went south for this bloodsucker. Not to say that this 9 year old was vying for my respect and admiration, but he really was starting to irritate the family and working on strategies to manage the torture became a mealtime ritual.

It wasn't really torture technically until one fine day we learned that he actually tied my petite princess up in a rope at recess, pulled on the rope and sent her flying.

In case you thought that maybe I'd end this story by learning to like this child, you called it wrong. You see, I learned about this in 6th grade. You must immediately dump the losers. Look for those really pointy teeth that suck blood. Look for a mustache on a supposed 6th grader. Look for namecalling as an early sign. Look for those things then rat them out the moment something bad happens. Rat them way out. By my demure daughter would dream of no such thing. She's not a tattler, even when it's a pre-pimpled vampire child to tattle on (which seems like totally fair game to me). But me, I am a good tattle tale. I'd prefer to beat the child up my self but being the non-violent type I contact the teacher, the principal, the counselor - all of the people that I can think to tattle to. If the teachers thought that I irritated them before, they ain't seen nothin' yet.

Here's where this becomes about being a public school. It's not that this never could have happened at the haven that we attended previously - it's feasible, there was never a ton of supervision at recess. It's not that the teachers were too busy to act quickly - the counselor and the teacher moved with great alacrity and there have been 3 full torture free days. It's that the admission standards are low - they just let anyone in, nice or not. And there just isn't time to teach about being nice because of all of the testing and stickering and color coding. So you start with a base of numerous, highly varied children and you add that they never have time to learn that mildly critical life skill that I term "niceness", and - POOF - a Gryffindor winds up coming home with rope burns. And that sucks.

So we as a family have learned a few things. First, no one will stand up for you other than you (and your Mom, same diff). Second, some schools aren't made to teach values, they are built to teach skills and maybe dealing with this kind of torture is a skill of sorts, who knows. Third, stay away - stay far far away - from the vampire kids, they really suck.