Bathing With a Man Eating Shark

Anyone know Jack Pruletsky, the children's poet? Kind of a Shel Silverstein for the 2000's? Well, he has this poem. I can't remember the whole thing but it starts "Homework, oh homework, I hate you. You stink". Then it ends talking about all of the things that'd be better to do with your time. Taking a bath with a man eating shark is one of those ideas. I used to laugh at this clear silliness but now I recognize it for what it is - pure truth.

I now have three children with homework. That's up by 3 children who have seen a rapid close to their lives of leisure. If there were three Greek Gods of Homework (which there aren't as far as my deep research demonstrates), I would think I may have given birth to them - Apathy, Resistance and Resignation. May I tell you their stories? Just a warning - I never said I was good at this parenting thing, right?

Apathy - he is 5. He would way rather lay down on the couch and watch a little scooby-doo than pretty much anything. But there's homework! Like worksheets and phone number practicing to be done! There are 3 things that start with the letter M to select! The amount of energy it takes to get 3 things with the letter M in a backpack is pretty monumental. He doesn't kick and scream or anything, just sort of wanders vaguely off into the other room and plays swordfighting against an imaginary opponent. So I pick the 3 things, shove them in a backpack and move to Resistance.

Resistance - she is pretty much convinced that there is some evil polt that will ruin her. The assignment is to write 4 sentences and the hysterical response that ensues can rival only that shark bath we talked about before. So, I say, "no worries, just let your teacher know that it was too hard". Ooooooo. Look out, mama. I say "it's not my homework, it's yours and you need to make a choice about whether to do it or not". Friends, I could have lived my entire life without ever having this battle. In fact, I'm looking forward to a business trip next week to not have to battle the resistance... She chooses to write the sentences and it's on to resignation.

Of course, resignation is the easiest to deal with. He lacks in zeal but he will comply. He rolls his eyes at the sheer stupidity of reviewing, yet again, how to make a tally mark. He ready with fluency the three letter words that he has known how to read for years. He zips through his list of to-dos and skips away with pleasure.

As for me, well, I am exhausted from pitching this painful exercise as as important and enriching. I'm simply tired from pretending that I really think that the distraction from fun and playtime after an already arduous and lengthy day is enhancing learning. Honestly, don't tell me kids, I'd rather take a bath with a man eating shark. Homework, oh homework. I hate you. You stink.