Pride in Paperwork

To: Mom

From: Ms. Teacher

Re: Speech

Hi, Mom - Do you want your child to participate in the President's address today? I did not receive your permission slip. Please let me know. Thanks so much. -Teacher

I'm sure that you now think I'm some sort of science fiction writer, composing other-worldly blog entries regarding the Martian public school system. Because there, on Mars that is, you get to choose whether or not you want to hear something that the elected head of the free world has to say. You don't need special permission to listen, you need special permission NOT to listen.

Nope, this is the same ol' planet earth and the land of the free - the YOUnited states of America. And I didn't even notice that I got a permission slip to fill out although, having received it in triplicate, I did notice the letter itself. The letter in question described the content and intent of the speech being made. You know that I'm politically uninvolved, but I just purely didn't think this was optional. For a few reasons - first because I wouldn't have dreamed that there could be a permission slip without a bodily risk, and second because I am burried in papers of all shapes and sizes, I really didn't see the three slips. Long story short, I called the school and gave my verbal permission.

That verbal permission travelled like the old game of telephone that we all know and love. And we know and love that game because it's true how facts become distorted as more and more people fondle them. Two of the permissions reached their destinations but a third did not. Two children saw the speech and the other, the most politically engaged of the family, stomped toward the car this evening as I pulled up with venom seething from every pore. You can picture the face, right? Imagine that poisonous face saying "WHY didn't you let me watch the President"?

In order to register the kids for school, I (mercifully) did not need thousands of dollars. I did, however, replace each tuition dollar, one for one, with an impeccably filled out article of paperwork. There was proof of residency including utility bills and notarized affidavits (because the notarizing makes it real). But in addition to proving that I live in the admittedly coveted school district, I also had to prove that my children are alive through their official birth certificates. It seems that I had two official certificates and one unofficial. I thought it was fine but the office disagreed and sent me away to get an official copy. Now here's the thing. I have this particular child. That child was born. The particular certificate belonging to that child does not have the offical creasing where the notarized seal would be, but otherwise it demonstrates all of the living time that the child has had.

Well, as you can likely envision, I began an attempt at this retort at the school office this summer and was met with this. "If you don't have the official birth certificate, then in 2 months you'll receive a visit from a social worker. If the social worker has to visit twice then your child will be suspended." Now were this particular child suspended for, say, moving their clip to red too often, that would make some sense. But for never having been born?

I suppose that in the end, it seems that the government funded public school system is going to send a social worker after me for lack of notarization. That self same government funded school system has lost a game of phone tag and prevented a questionably-living human being from viewing a presidential address. Today, I think it'd be fair to say that I may as well live on Mars as I've taken quite limited pleasure in allegiance.